adventures in margitness

For the last few weeks I've been working a temp, seasonal visual gig in a department store (for my former employer).  It's been pretty bizarro- it's weird to be "back" (although I'm really only visiting) and WOW are things different now (in a mostly sad sort of way). I've had a small number of fleeting icky thoughts, but for the most part I've managed to stay pretty positive.  (Getting up every morning is usually my biggest challenge each day: I'm older, less energetic and don't bounce back as quickly as I did when I stumbled into this profession 16 years ago!)

Some recent good stuff bullets, because I have a huge love of lists:

• I'm WORKING. I'm out of the house, I'm making more $$$ than the AZ unemployment pittance (for which I was grateful, even- anything >$0, you know), I'm seeing people and being seen, I'm being useful (even if it's just for the evil retail empire- I like it just fine there). 
• It's been nice to brush up on some mad presentation skillz that got a little rusty while I specialized in furniture: bow tying (for a thousand, Alec), dress shirt forms (oy, my fingers hurt and my guys aren't nearly as tight and perfect as they once were... but they're getting better), Tie tying (hello again, full windsor), OMG @ fashion! I fell WAY off the fashionable truck in AZ (the land of capris, tank tops and sandals). Next week I expect to dive into kids and soft home- the departments I had when I was just a wee baby visual stylist.
  
• Although Xmas trim was practically complete before Halloween, I didn't once hear "OMG! Already?!" for the first time EVER. On two separate occasions I did field a couple of odd, snarky questions from women mentioning the insignificance of whatever it was I happened to be doing at the time/how unfun such a repetitive job must be (on both occasions, I was tying big red bows).  I smiled and replied "Honestly? There are worse things I could have to do and I'm happy to be working.  I lost my job several months ago and there just aren't many jobs out there. This has been quite a lesson in thankfulness for me." Next thing I knew, the bitchy tones turned to cooing and smiling and nodding and "that's right"ing. *sigh* But the cool thing? After they walked away, I realized that a mere few years ago I'd have mirrored that tone right back at them without even realizing it.  It's nice to be aware that I'm able to manipulate that into something more positive. 
• Budgeting doesn't have to be a bad word, mean doing without, having less than or inferior quality. I've never been a fan of mall food, but I've existed on it for almost two decades.  I never batted an eye at the cost of the garbage I didn't even enjoy- it was just fuel to get me through the day. I am amazed that I feel so much better  with a little effort, that I can spend considerably less money and eat much healthier food.  Additionally, I make laundry detergent and cleaning products for a fraction of the cost of the stuff I used to buy while getting better results and being kinder to the environment. 
  
• Progress with house stuff projects has paused for a while, but things are holding up well.  I recently caught myself saying out loud to someone that I needed to spend some time catching up on house work this weekend (which I do, but compared to the previous me?  The house would be ready for guests.)  The house is a bit messy- I need to do some cleaning, put some things away, take out the recycling, yadda yadda. I think I'll get right on that... after a nap.  :)
  
• In addition to feeling good about the result of my efforts, the positive feedback and different type of attention I'm receiving from friends is a most wondermousful icing on my cake sorta thing. 
  

I'm so surprised at myself for managing to stay this positive through this scary, ego bruising  adventure.  Such a huge contrast to the Eeyoreish pessimist I used to be... apparently I needed a Really Big Shakeup in order to be able to see things differently.